The Distance Between by de Rigaud Zillah

Author:de Rigaud, Zillah
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Chrysant publishing
Published: 2013-08-11T05:00:00+00:00

20. Late night confessions

And so Remi and I became friends. Some nights we would have amazing, hot sex but there were other nights too when we would just hang out, drink wine and talk or even play poker with some of his friends.

After one of those nights where I did fuck him, we were in bed together and totally exhausted. It was a beautiful night, hot enough to leave the window open so that we could hear the traffic and people on the streets below us. We were drinking the last of our second bottle of wine together and then I could see by the look on Remi’s face as he lit up a cigarette that something was the matter.

“What is it?” I asked. He exhaled some smoke before he could say anything.

“Michael I really like you.”

“Yeah, I like you too,” I said. “

“I like you, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea,” he said. He inhaled from his cigarette. I was puzzled.

“What do you mean, wrong idea?” He looked at me with those sweet eyes.

“I mean I really like you being my friend and I like having sex with you…but that’s it.” He sighed and looked at me seriously. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m just not in love with you. I just don’t feel it.”

“I’m not in love with you either,” I said and when I’d spoken the words out loud I knew I meant it. “Can I have one of your cigarettes?” I asked. He gave me a cigarette and lit it for me. I never smoked but now I needed something to get rid of the uneasy feeling in my stomach.

“Then why did you say that you loved me when I woke you up last morning?” Remi asked.

“Did I say that?” I replied puzzled. Sometimes when I woke up here it was still hard for me to remember where I was. There were some many places where I had spent the night frequently that I lost track. I was confused between my parents place, my old apartment in New York, my new apartment back home, my Parisian apartment, Remi’s place… Sometimes when Remi was lying next to me I dreamt I was back in New York and it was David holding me instead of him. When Remi would wake me up with a kiss I would dream it was David.

I poured myself another glass of red wine. Our second bottle of the evening was almost empty.

“So who were you saying I love you to then?” Remi asked. “It’s complicated,” I said and swallowed some more wine.

“You can tell me,” Remi said. I had clearly awoken his curiosity. “There’s only one guy for me,” I said.

“So why aren’t you with him?” Remi asked. “It’s impossible,” I replied. Remi giggled, “Nothing is impossible, unless he’s straight… Is he straight?” I shook my head.

“Come on, you can tell me about him,” Remi said, but I couldn’t say anything at that moment.

At least Remi was relieved that I wasn’t in love with him either.

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